Public Musings
Coaching. What is the latest information about coaching and how can we implement it?
What type of Leader are you?
Apr 1st
“The best executive is the one who has sense enough to pick good men to do what he wants done, and self-restraint to keep from meddling with them while they do it.” Theodore Roosevelt
Leaders are followed because people trust and respect them and this tends to be achieved through the leaders behaviours rather than the skills they possess.
Being able to modify your behaviour to meet different circumstances is an important facet of successful leadership. Effective Leaders need to be able to use a variety of styles to suit both the situation they find themsleves in and the people they are leading. Understanding your natural style of leadership is the first step in this process and how you can adapt this to meet different demands. Below is a link to a simple test created by The University of Kent to establish what is your natural style of leadership and gives you pointers on how this can be received by the people you lead:
Do the test and find out if you are Napoleon, Florence Nightingale, Barack Obama, Nelson Mandela or Ghandi!
Are you an Imposter?
Mar 4th
Watching the Oscars last weekend and the various winners coming up on stage to make their acceptance speeches, I found myself thinking about Michelle Pfeiffer who I had been watching in Frankie and Johnny the previous evening.
While Michelle has been nominated for an Oscar three times, she has never actually won one, although she has won a BAFTA and a Golden Globe during her career to date. At the peak of her career she was an A list actress, a superstar in the world of acting, and it was at the height of her fame that she came out with the following quote;
“I still think people will find out that I’m really not very talented. I’m really not very good. It’s all been a big sham.”
She’s not alone in having these thoughts; here are Kate Winslet’s thoughts on her acting career;
“Sometimes I wake up in the morning before going off to a shoot, and I think, I can’t do this; I’m a fraud. They’re going to fire me — all these things. I’m fat; I’m ugly… “
How can 2 award winning actresses, widely regarded as among the best in their field, believe such things about themselves? These beliefs are surprisingly common and are known as the “Imposter Syndrome”.
The Imposter Syndrome describes how people suffer from the feeling that they are imposters and they do not belong where they are and they don’t deserve what they have accomplished through their own talent and hard work. Instead they tend to attribute any success they have to luck, help from others, timing or the ability to fool others into thinking they are smarter than they really are.
Unless they learn to deal with this self doubt, people suffering from the Imposter Syndrome will sell themselves short, become risk averse and will hold themselves back from achieving as much as they could.
So how can you break this thought process and accept the skills you have? Here are 6 tips on dealing with the Imposter Syndrome:
1. Separate feelings from fact. There are times you’ll feel stupid. It happens to everyone from time to time. Realize that just because you may feel stupid, it doesn’t mean you are.
2. Recognise and accept your strengths. Instead of blaming luck or others when something goes well for you, accept you have played the major part in the success you achieve. Be proud of what you have done. If you don’t believe in yourself why should others?
3. Develop a new response to failure and mistake making. Henry Ford said, “Failure is only the opportunity to begin again more intelligently.” Instead of constantly beating yourself up for making mistakes learn from them, put them behind you and move on.
4. Develop a new script. Your script is that automatic mental record that starts playing in situations that trigger your Imposter feelings. When you start a new job for example, instead of thinking, “Wait till they find out I have no idea what I’m doing,” try thinking, “Everyone who starts something new feels awkward in the beginning. I may not know all the answers but I’m smart enough to find them out.”
5. Visualise success. Professional athletes spend time before an event picturing themselves succeeding and getting a sense of the feelings they will have when they reach their goals. The successful people in sports and business don’t think in terms of failure and defeat, expect success and you are far more likely to achieve it. Don’t wait until you feel confident to start pushing yourself. Courage comes from taking risks. Change your behaviour first and allow your confidence to build.
6. Keep a journal. Write down what you do. It doesn’t have to be war and peace, just a note of the tasks you have completed, the challenges you have faced, how you felt before during and after. This will build up a dossier for you and act as a reminder for you of just what you are capable of the next time you encounter self doubt.
Do you ever feel like a fake?
When do you feel like that?
How have you tried to deal with these feelings in the past?
What could you do differently in the future?
Who said what….
1) “I just never know if I’m going to pull it off, I have terrible grave concerns about my own ability.” Matt Damon
2) “I still think people will find out that I’m really not very talented. I’m really not very good. It’s all been a big sham. …” Michelle Pfeiffer
3) “I used to have this dream that somebody was knocking at my door. I’d say ‘Who is it?’ and they’d answer ‘Police.’ I’d open the door and they would say to me, ‘Pack your bags. We realized you have no talent.” Leslie Nielson
4) ‘I don’t know how to act anyway, so why am I doing this?” Meryl Streep
5) ” Sometimes I wake up in the morning before going off to a shoot, and I think, I can’t do this; I’m a fraud. They’re going to fire me — all these things. I’m fat; I’m ugly… ” Kate Winslett
6) “I still believe that at any time the no-talent police will come and arrest me.“ Mike Myers
Does fear of failure drive you?
Feb 3rd
Craig Bellamy has recently begun to see a sports psychologist to help him deal with various issues in his life, with the catalyst being the death of his close friend Gary Speed. Ask football fans for words to describe Bellamy and the ones that spring to mind tend to include; aggressive, narky, belligerent and capable of causing a row in an empty house.
Bellamy found his first meeting with Steve Peters, the Sports Psychologist, to be transformational giving him a calm and fresh perspective on situations. There has been a distinct impact on his performance on the field with 6 goals in his last 7 Premier League games. He’s also not been booked in his last 9 games.
Bellamy puts the change down to his work with Peters which has helped relieve him of the tension he felt in games, where he was driven by a fear of failure. Instead he is learning to take a different perspective on situations and this is helping with life away from football as well;
“‘Ten minutes into the first meeting it registered,’ Bellamy says. ‘This is not about me becoming a better footballer, I’m not interested in that. If it helps my football, then great. If it helps me after football, that’s more important.
If it helps me deal with not being able to fall back on football, to enjoy my life, my wife, my kids, stop stressing over things that I don’t have…
I’ve spent too much of my career believing that I’m only judged on what I win or the impact I’ve had crazy thought that I have to win something, otherwise my career’s a complete failure. It’s ridiculous. Will a trophy change me as a person? No. Will it make me a better player? No. So what the hell am I worried about?’
He adds: ‘If I’d carried on the way I was going… I was just torturing myself day in, day out. What happens when I finish, thinking everything I’ve done in football is just a waste of time? ‘No-one else is believing this. I am.’
It is interesting that Peters rates ‘fear of failure’ as one of the psychological states that must be eliminated before a team or an individual can be successful.
“Everyone is different, but there are some common conditions that athletes suffer from,” Peters says. “Anxiety is one, and reducing it is vital for performance. Anxiety is brought on by fear of failure, which can stem from fear of letting people down or being overwhelmed by the significance of an event. It can arise when expectations of you are high. It’s important to recognise it and reduce it. Fear of failure has no place in high level sport.”
So how does Steve Peters think you can do this?
“First of all you spend time getting to know a player and understand how his mind is working. Players have to learn to get inside their own heads and work out what’s going on in there.
“They need to work out what’s happening in their heads now, and work out what needs to happen, then we identify the barriers that are stopping their minds from working as effectively as possible, and remove them. Why is there fear of failure? Why is there anxiety or nervousness? When we know, we can remove it. We can switch off the part of the brain that’s causing it.”
On match days, he says it is crucial for players to have a “strict mental warm-up plan” that prevents them from falling into old negative habits.
Peters is insistent that anyone can control their mind. “You don’t have to let it lead you. You can reconstruct your personality and tap into the strengths within your own brain to contain the bits that have been hijacking you without you realising it.
“I ask people to see in themselves what they need to be doing and help them get there. If you said ‘I want to get fit’ and you went to a gym, you could go there and train yourself and do really well, but you would probably be better going there with a strength and conditioning coach who can work with you. It’s the same with the mind.”
The methods used by Peters don’t just apply to people in the world of sports. Everyone in all walks of life face similar situations and a coach can help you identify the factors that are preventing you moving forward and achieving the goals you have. Self limiting beliefs are very common and as Peters explains having someone by your side to help you through the process can aide you in understanding the changes you need to make to improve in the areas that are of importance to you.
What is holding you back?
Who do you have to help you beat the fear of failure?
Link to The Chimp Paradox by Steve Peters
The make up of a modern day coach
Jan 26th
10 signs of poor management
Jan 21st
People leave their managers not their jobs.
Research has shown that a majority of people leave their jobs not because they don’t like the work they do, but because they don’t get on with their Boss. The major reason cited in exit interviews is the relationship they have with their line manager, and as managers we have a responsibility to consider the impact we have on those around us with our actions.
There are a number of examples of poor management techniques which contribute to the breakdown in relationship between management and staff, here are 10 of the most common:
1) Not listening and not making people feel valued
People like to deal with those people who are professional and who make them feel valued. Too often a poor manager will not take the time to actively listen to their staff, instead choosing to check their e-mails, take phone calls and allow a variety of other interruptions whilst they are having a conversation/update/meeting with their people. How frustrating does it feel when you have the feeling that someone is not really paying attention to what you are saying? How do you think others feel when you are doing this to them?
2) Micro managing – shows lack of trust
If you spend all your time checking up on what others are doing, how do you find the time to do your own job? People will never give of their best if they have the feeling that they are not to be trusted or that they constantly have someone looking over their shoulder and checking up on them. If you expect the worst of people that is what they will usually deliver, as that is what you are looking for!
3) Too much focus on the task and not the individuals
If a manager has too much focus on achievement of a task they tend to disregard the individuals involved in helping achieve said task. Their behaviour is impersonal, they don’t tend to have any interest in how their people are feeling, and praise recognition and encouragment are in short supply. This is another example of people not feeling valued and can quickly lead to disenchantment.
4) Not enforcing standards
People need to have a clear understanding of their roles and expectations, and it is equally important that, having defined the standards that are expected, these are enforced. Too often a poor manager will fail to take the appropriate action when standards are not met and this then sends the message that the standards are not important or relevant. People respect a manager when they display strength, integrity and a sense of fair play. Not enforcing standards implies these qualities are lacking in a manager.
5) Not communicating expectations effectively
If people don’t have a clear understanding of what success looks like how will they know if they have done a good job? “If they don’t get shouted at,” is not the right answer! When people understand what is expected of them and how they can meet those expectations they tend to have a greater degree of confidence in their ability to meet those expectations – assuming those expectations are realistic in the first place!
6) Lack of feedback – positive and negative
If you dont take the time to tell people how they are doing, how will they know if they are meeting expectations? If they receive regular timely feedback they will have a greater understanding of what they need to do in order to achieve their objectives, be it a continuance of current behaviour or a correction in their activity. If the feedback is presented in a constructive, objective and calm manner it can be a great development tool to help people grow and improve.
7) Using communication on a need to know basis only
Another quick way to frustrate people is to keep them in the dark about issues that have some bearing on their role in the organisation. If plans and other areas of the business are treated as secrets not to be shared with other departments, how can staff gain an understanding of how they can play an effective part in the achievement of company goals. Effective communication of the company vision and objectives has an important role to play in improving employee engagement.
8) Making decisions and then asking for feedback
If people are to take ownership of their departmental/team goals they need to feel that they have a part to play in the decision making process. Weak managers will view their role to be the one to have all the answers and to hand the decisions made down to the workforce. If the decisions are being made from the top down what is the point in asking those on the ground floor for their thoughts? If the decisions have already been made what difference will it make if they think it is a good idea or not? At best it is an exercise in patronisation!
The final decision should rest at the top, but it is good management practise to canvass opinion from the relevant sections of the company, before the decisions are made. It is quite often the case that the people at the sharp end will have the experience and knowledge to best know how to handle certain situations, doesn’t it therefore make sense to obtain their feedback before deciding on a particular course of action?
9) Passing the buck
I know one manager who announced to a new member of staff on their first day that any success they achieved in their role would be down to the manager, but they would get the blame for anything that went wrong! How do you think that member of staff viewed their manager?
The art of good management means taking responsibility when it is due and allowing others to take the credit when it is deserved. Poor managers look to point the finger of blame away from them at every opportunity, this only has short term benefits for the manager, as their limitations are soon identified.
10) No sense of humour
If you don’t enjoy your job, why should the people that work for you? A sense of humour is a vital element in the make up of successful managers, it indicates you are working for someone who is in control, someone who is relaxed and someone who is confident in achieving success. It doesn’t prevent you from being professional as there is a time and a place to have a laugh, and a time and a place to fully focus on achieving objectives, but a little lightness goes a long long way.
Think about the best managers you have worked for, how do their qualities match those listed above?
Now answer the same question about the worst manager you have worked for or with……
How do you compare?
Does money really motivate senior managers?
Jan 20th
Facilitated a course this week for senior managers of a Blue Chip company when the subject of the factors that motivate people at work came up. A couple of delegates were of the opinion that there was nothing better than an envelope from your Boss with a short note thanking you for a good job together with a big cheque!
We discussed Maslow’s hierarchy of needs and Human Givens, but I think this 10 minute video does a great job of explaining where money fits into the motivation ladder.
Boooooooo!!
Oct 30th
After appearing on a phone in last week, this week seemed to be a week to listen to them!
This one was a football phone in and a football fan had called in to justify why he and his fellow fans thought it was a good idea to boo their own players. Jason Roberts, a professional footballer, was aghast at the idea.
“How can you possibly think that booing your own players is going to help them?”
“It might not help some, but there are definitely some players who want to prove you wrong when you boo them”, was the confident reply.
A player at Spurs had a different view;
“when your fans get behind you it’s the most exciting feeling possible. It’s so important that a player feels appreciated by his own fans – otherwise he has to fight against them as well as the other team and their supporters.”
Whilst at Liverpool Fernando Torres said;
“With just 45,000 fans there, that roar they give makes you think you have wings on your feet.”
I wonder if the fans at Chelsea give him the same sense of invincibility?
There doesn’t appear to be any logic in the football fans argument that booing your own players will make them player better. It also begs the question why in other environments, work and home life for example, do we spend so much time telling people what they are doing wrong rather than telling them what they are doing well?
There has been an example of this in the last week with the row between Nicolas Sarkozy and David Cameron, with the French president expressing rage at the constant criticism and lectures from UK ministers.
Sarkozy bluntly told Cameron: “You have lost a good opportunity to shut up.” He added: “We are sick of you criticising us and telling us what to do. You say you hate the euro and now you want to interfere in our meetings.”
You wonder if there would have been a different interaction if Cameron and the Government had taken a more positive approach, whilst still having the same goals they currently have….
Recent research suggests that the vast majority of what children hear consists of them being told not to do this and not to do that. If we are not taking the time to explain what they do well, and why they do it well, how can we expect them to grow and improve?
In work environments, the more enlightened managers and leaders spend their time trying to “catch people doing something right” and then giving them suitable levels of praise and recognition. In doing this it is important to bear in mind that the praise needs to be specific and related to a specific behaviour or action, rather than praise for praise sake.
There are many Business Leaders who have been influenced by the work of Ken Blanchard and he believes if he had to choose just one thing to teach about for the rest of his life, he has no doubt that “catching people doing things right” would be his lasting message. His research has shown that positive reinforcement and redirection can help increase productivity.
Think about somebody that you have worked with and admired. How did they behave? How did they treat you? How much belief did they have in you? What impact did this have on you?
Now think about somebody who you worked for that you didn’t respect or admire and ask yourself the same questions.
Research in the States has shown that 64% of people leave their jobs not because of the company or the work conditions, instead they leave because of the Boss they work for. This demonstrates that the way we motivate at work is key.
The question is, what type of fan are you?
How’s the view from where you are?
Oct 30th
“All our knowledge has its origins in our perceptions.” ~ Leonardo Da Vinci
A few days ago I was listening to a radio phone in, as a friend of mine had been invited on to discuss the latest research which suggested that men are quicker to say “I love you” to a new partner than women were. Before my friend (www.glow-coaching.co.uk ) was interviewed the presenter spoke to a pyschologist who declared that those men who did say “I love you” first were likely to have done so as their goal was to have sex, and they knew that women were more likely to agree upon receiving this message.
However this would not apply to women who said it first as they had different emotional needs and would say it for different reasons. The research from the study has a number of interpretations and it has been interesting to read the different views people have on the findings of the various studies on the subject.
These views are usually formed by our own experiences and they then tend to dictate how we react to different situations. For example if you are in a relationship and your partner has declared their love for you, how did you react when they first told you?
Did you make the assumption as the psychologist suggests that they were after “something”?
If you were the first to say it, how did you expect/hope your partner to react?
When working with people on their communication skills, be they leaders, sales people, people wanting career coaching or dating advice etc, one of the key areas to discuss and consider is how the person/group you are communicating with might feel and react to the message you are giving.
Too often people will make the assumption that the people they are communicating with will have exactly the same view of the situation as them, and they will fail to consider how else they could feel about and interpret a situation. Being able to walk in another persons shoes for a while is a great asset to have in effective communication.
As an example to demonstrate this let’s assume you have a situation you are trying to resolve with a member of your team.
A simple and effective way to come up with a potential solution that will suit everyone is to put three chairs in a triangle, facing each other. Sit in the first chair and describe how you feel about the situation, what you think the issues and potential solutions are and so on.
Then move to the second chair and imagine you are the other individual. Then you need to describe how you, as the other person, thinks and feels about the situation. The challenge with this is “staying in character” and making sure you are expressing what you believe the other person will be thinking and how they are viewing the situation.
Having done this, move to the third chair. The movement between chairs is important as the physical act of changing chairs helps you take on the new thought processes. In the third chair you are playing the role of an objective observer and in this role you need to give some objective advice on what you see and what needs to be considered.
Sound crazy? 
Try it, you will be surprised how effective it can be!
The starting point is to remember that everyone has a different view of the world, and it won’t be the same as yours.
If you can catch a glimpse of their view you are in a far better position to achieve a successful outcome to any communication you engage in, even winning the affections of your partner!
What can you see here?
A young woman?
An old Lady?
Or both?
“The funny thing is, people’s perceptions of what a song is about is
usually wrong a majority of the time. But they’re still going to read what they
want to into it. ~ Vince Gill
post script…..
Jimmy Savile, who passed away this week, expressed the importance of considering others point of view when asked some years ago about his show, Jim’ll fix it;
“I never to this day, had a favourite Fix it, because I never looked at it from my point of view. For most of them, that was the biggest thing that ever happened in their lives at that time, so they were all favourites”.
RIP Jimmy.
Do you think Charisma is important?
Sep 28th
With the Labour Party Conference being in held in Liverpool Ed Miliband’s leadership has come under the media spotlight, with questions being asked about his ability to successfully lead his party into the next election. One of the criticisms levelled at him has been that he has been largely anonymous in his first year as leader of the Labour Party with him lacking the charisma to make an impact on a largely unimpressed public.
As a result of this media debate I was invited to take part in a radio discussion on the importance of charisma and if it was something that could be taught.
When canvassing opinion prior to the radio discussion people had differing opinions on exactly what Charisma is and whether someone could learn this “natural skill”.
One common theme that did emerge was that in order to be charismatic people needed to be in tune with their thoughts and feelings and to behave in a genuine and authentic manner. Trying to fake it would not work as others would see through it and the individual would be viewed with suspicion and not be trusted.
Charisma is defined as a personal quality that gives an individual influence or authority over large numbers of people, and is certainly an attribute of value to a Politician in an age of celebrity and media sound bites. Does it matter to the rest of us?
In sales there is a well worn cliche that “people buy people first” and I think this holds true in many situations. For example I was working with the directors of a kitchen company who were surprised to land an order where the customer knew that they could buy a very similar kitchen for £2000 less from a competitor. The customers explained that they were happy to spend the extra money as they felt they could trust my clients to deliver on the promises made and believed the end result would be better for them. They didn’t feel the same level of belief in the quality of service that would be provided by the competition.
They had not dealt with either company before so why should that be?
I think the answer lies in the relationship developed between my clients and their customer. The Director of the company that dealt with the enquiry is very passionate about the work they do, he has a good grasp of what is important to his potential customers and is confident that his company can meet those needs. He believes in providing a service he can be proud of. Allied to these values is a personable nature that enables him to talk to people in a friendly approachable manner, explaining the process without using jargon. Because he talks at the same level as his customers they pay attention to what he says and are therefore in a position to make a logical decision as to whether to use his services.
Many people think charisma is an innate ability and therefore can’t be taught, and there are some aspects of charisma where this might be true. However if you break down the qualities that make up charisma these are areas that can be worked on and improved:
1) Being genuine – say what you mean and mean what you say. Keep your message simple, be clear and articulate, don’t just echo the status quo, dare to be different.
2) Understand who you are and what you stand for – what are your values? What are the standards that are important to you?
3) Understanding the needs of others – how often do you actively listen to what other people say, rather than wait for them to stop talking so you can talk some more? If you show interest in others, they will be interested in what you have to say. Smile, nod when they talk and maintain eye contact. This is one way Bill Clinton used to make people feel as though “they were the only person in the room”.
4) Emotional Control – keeping yourself on an even keel allows you to be seen as approachable, but you also need to be able to express your thoughts and feelings in a spontaneous and genuine manner.
5) Think about your body language – stand up straight, relax, smile, think positive thoughts – how many charismatic people do you know that are miserable, sullen, look fed up and are negative?
The above isn’t a comprehensive list of qualities, but if you were able to master these you will find that you are more confident in yourself, more relaxed and more fun to be with!
Think about the people who you find charismatic, what do they do that makes them stand out from the crowd?
Why not post a comment here about who you think has charisma and what qualities they demonstrate?
Clip from Radio discussion on charisma
Do we get the Unions we deserve?
Sep 23rd
I was reading a post on Twitter a few days ago, where a local politician was complaining about the attitude of a particular Union and they clearly believed all problems were down to the Union leaders. Apart from the fact that the language used was not particularly constructive is it actually the case that the issues are purely down to the Union?
Don’t get me wrong some Unions and their leaders can be a right pain in the ass, but I can think of many companies across a variety of industries that have great working relationships with their workforce and the unions involved. So why does it seem to be particular companies/industries that have regular problems in their industrial relations?
One story I was told last week might hold a clue. I was talking to an Interim HR Consultant who is currently working with a large international company and they were in a meeting with a Director. The meeting centred on the direction they wanted for a project that would affect the sales operation. The HR Consultant suggested asking the sales force for their thoughts so they could play a part in the agreement of the project’s goals.
Apparently the Director was aghast giving the curt reply; “They are sales people, we are managers, we tell them what to f*?!*>g do, not the other way round”.
The HR Consultant thought they had been transported back to the 1980′s. Unfortunately I think there are still many companies out there that have management teams that treat their people in this way – “you are here to do as you are told, your opinion doesn’t matter”.
If you don’t treat people with respect, give them clear direction (when necessary), encouragement, support and empower them to have some element of control what kind of relationship do you expect to have with those around you?
It takes two to have an argument.
