Archive for October, 2009
Perceptions of arrogance
Oct 16th
I was at a coaching CPD day today and we were doing some work on Emotional Intelligence. One of the exercises involved one of the coaches being “hot coached” by the rest of the group about being confident without appearing arrogant.
I asked “what does arrogance look like to you?” to which the coach replied, “like the look on your face when you asked that question.” I was somewhat surprised by the answer, as I have been accused of many things in my life, but being arrogant is not one of them!
I asked the original question because I believe that arrogance means different things to different people, and this is borne out by a story Ian Rush told when I attended a charity evening he was at. Rush had scored 49 goals for Liverpool and had won the European Golden Boot as top scorer in Europe. He was then transferred to Juventus where he finished as the Italian 1st division’s 3rd top scorer. He explained how the Italian media hadn’t warmed to him and were quick to criticise him if he didn’t score.
Ian explained that when he did his first press conference he should have told them he was the greatest striker in the world and he was in Italy to score loads of goals for Juventus, as the media would have loved him and forgiven him anything. He didn’t because if he had said that at Liverpool he would have been ripped to shreds by fans, team mates and the press alike.
At Liverpool it was drummed into him that football was all about teamwork and modesty about achievements was the order of the day, whereas in Italy it was about the individual and was more gladiatorial in approach. In Britain what would have been viewed as arrogance would have been lauded as supreme confidence in Italy.
In today’s session the only other question that the coach appeared to take umbrage to was when she was asked “How would you define arrogance”. The answer revolved around the “obvious” nature of arrogance in that it is rude and not nice behaviour.
So what prompted the accusation of arrogance from the coach today? One possible explanation lies in the different fields we work in. The two of us who questioned her definition of arrogance work almost exclusively with business clients, and both come from a sales management background, whereas the volunteer coach is looking to specialise in personal coaching.
The clients I speak to look for a coach who will challenge them and ask the “difficult” questions in order to stretch them and make them challenge themselves and their belief systems. Coaching in the business world requires you to demonstrate support, understanding, empathy, listening skills etc but you also need to have a “hard edge” to allow you to push and challenge when necessary. I don’t think the question I asked today was particularly challenging, but it would appear I made the mistake of mis judging my audience, which is a cardinal sin in itself, or perhaps she was right and I was just being arrogant!
Laughter is the best medicine!
Oct 15th
Watch the video below and time how long it takes you to start smiling, bet you can’t go for the whole 1 min 40 seconds of the video!
It is very easy to under estimate the impact your mood can have on the people you interact with.
I called a call centre last Friday to query the progress of an application I had made. Prior to making the call I was in a good mood, but the lady who answered the call quickly grew very frustrated by the fact I didn’t have my reference number to hand. This meant she had to go into a different screen and carry out a search by my address.
She was clearly not happy about this and I could feel the tension rising in me as well as a result. Rather than allow her mood to affect me I simply said, “You don’t sound very happy are you not having a good day?”. Her attitude changed immediately as she gave an embarrassed laugh and assured me all was well. For the rest of the call her mood was considerably lighter and she was far more helpful.
It is always the case that your mood can have a big impact on those around you and there are various experts who believe laughter really may be the best medicine. According to research presented to the American College of Cardiology. Laughing appears to boost your blood flow and researchers say it may reduce your risk of developing heart disease.
But the benefits of laughing don’t stop with your heart: laughing has previously been found to help fight infections, relieve hay fever, ease pain and help control diabetes.
So the next time you are feeling down remember that you can bring others down as well. Instead think of the baby in the video and smile. 
Visualising the future
Oct 7th
I was playing golf with a friend the other day when we reached the 10th hole. Before teeing off he commented that he didn’t like the 10th on this course as he always played it badly. Lo and behold he duly recorded his worst score of the day and his expectations were fulfilled! If we expect to struggle with something this is what tends to happen.
The reverse is equally true though, if we “pysche” ourselves up and envisage ourselves succeeding at something this also can become a self fulfilling prophecy.
Ian Rush was recently asked how he coped on those rare occasions when he went on a barren run without scoring. He went on to describe a variation on a visualisation technique often used in coaching situations.
The first thing he did was get a ball and take 20 shots at an empty net on the training field. The next day he would get the youth team keeper and take 20 shots against him. The next day he would come back to the training pitch and put 20 shots past the reserve team keeper.
When he felt confident at being able to put the ball in the net he would take 20 shots against the first team keeper which then put him in the right frame of mind for the real thing on Saturday.
Rush scores against Everton (again)
Result? He scored 346 goals for Liverpool, a record he is confident won’t be beaten in his lifetime.
Visualisation is a very powerful technique and is used to imprint on the brain how to achieve a specific goal or target and how it will feel when the target is reached. When you map out in your mind the steps you need to take to take, the achievement of a goal becomes far more realistic.
This technique is widely used by sports people, and Fernando Torres gave us another example of it in a recent interview:
Torres is a perfectionist. He even takes time before every match to visualise what could play out before him, in what order. When you see him just before kick off crouching down in the centre circle, that is also part of the routine that makes him the best in the business.
Torres visualising how he is going to score
“I always do it before the games. I like to see the other players with the keeper. I try to see the goal and try to think where the ball is going. I am trying to think about the movement,” he explained with an almost embarrassed grin.
That is not the only thing Torres tries to visualise. He pictures himself running around Anfield with the Premier League trophy, parading for fans who have waited so long for a glimpse of it.
Let’s hope his latter vision becomes reality sooner rather than later!!
Networking
Oct 7th
Off to a networking event this evening, “An evening with Ian Rush”, should be interesting, not least because it will be a chance to meet arguably the greatest goal scorer to ever play for Liverpool.
He gets the ball and he scores a goal....
When I coach people in business and we speak about networking the vast majority express a certain dislike for networking and tend to view it with trepidation. Some describe it as boring, a waste of time and an intimidating experience; whereas others see it as an opportunity to have a drink and something to eat on the way home from work.
The fact of the matter is that, while it can be hard work, it can also be an extremely rewarding use of your time. Successful business is built on relationships and cultivating lasting relationships with others can lead to not just more work for you or your company, but also to enjoyment and fulfillment of what you do in life.
The best networkers I know are good at asking questions, letting the other person talk and listening to the answers. They demonstrate interest in others and then they follow up with the people they have met, with a phone call, letter or e-mail. The very best ones will attend a business networking event knowing which people are attending and who they specifically want to talk to, but they won’t talk at people or try the heavy sales pitch. It is about cultivating the relationship and allowing it to grow. The analogy I have seen before is that they are farmers rather than hunters.
It helps, when attending a networking event, if you bear in mind that most people in the room don’t feel particularly comfortable at networking and perhaps view it in the same way you do. Be ready with a short concise overview for when people ask what you do. Don’t ramble and bore them senseless. If they show interest suggest you contact them to arrange to get together for a coffee so you can discuss how you might be able to help each other.
It also helps if you take some cards and a pen with you!
Management speak…
Oct 2nd
A magazine recently ran a “Dilbert Quotes” contest. They were looking for people to submit quotes from their real-life Dilbert-type managers. These were voted the top ten quotes in corporate America :
“As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday, and employees will receive their cards in two weeks.” (This was the winning quote from Fred Dales, Microsoft Corp. in Redmond WA )
“What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we might encounter.” (Lykes Lines Shipping)
“E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business.” (Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company)
“This project is so important we can’t let things that are more important interfere with it.” (Advertising/Marketing manager, United Parcel Service)
“Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule.” (Plant Manager, Delco Corporation)
“No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We’ve been working on it for months. Now go act busy for a few weeks and I’ll let you know when it’s time to tell them.” (R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/3M Corp.)
Quote from the Boss: “Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say.” (Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)
My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday. When I told my Boss, he said she died on purpose so that I would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could change her burial to Friday. He said, “That would be better for me.” (Shipping executive, FTD Florists)
“We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees.” (Switching supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division)
What’s worrying is that experience tells me that these are quite probably true!
